There were many, many times throughout those seven-and-a-half years, mostly when I was engaging in idle, non-productive life-killers like watching television or surfing the net for hours for nothing in particular, or even as I worked on the novel, which often meant only staring at it on the computer screen without ever writing anything, if I would ever find enough resolve to complete it. To be honest, I had given up on it so many times, sometimes not working on it for over a year at a time, that I didn’t think I ever would complete it. I didn’t think I could.
Then came the cancer.
It may sound cliché, but surviving a no-joke, life-threatening disease and then having plenty of recovery time to ponder deeply over life and the limits of one’s mortality really is a wonderful motivator. Fortunately, although I had given up in my mind, in my heart I never really gave up on the novel. Completing it always remained a goal, no matter how slight, and no matter how many times I told myself I had quit. Now, after coming to terms with the facts that I’m not invincible and that this party I call my life can be shut down by the authorities at any time without notice, I finally had found the resolve and motivation to reach that goal.
And now that I’ve reached that goal, it feels pretty darn good, I must say. I don’t know how good the novel is, or how important it is, or if it will ever be published–I hope it’s good; I hope it’s important; and I hope it will be published–but it all doesn’t really matter. What matters is that the goal has been reached and now I can start focusing on new goals, writing and otherwise, with the knowledge and comfort that, with the continued love and support of my family and friends, I do have the ability to reach them.
To read a synopsis of the novel and the first chapter, please visit the Book page.