The Alt-Oscars*

Kanye West** as Crucified Oscar image is courtesy of the HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

Let’s do this.

ALT BEST PICTURE: I’ve only seen one “Best Picture” nomination — “Arrival” and I thought it was mostly Zzz… — so out of all the 2016 movies I have seen, not just those nominated, which still are only a handful… or, would it be an “eyeful?”…my Alt-Oscar for Best Picture of 2016 — and which is one of the best flicks I’ve seen in a loooong time — goes to:


It’s hard to talk specifics about this superb flick, for even the most minute of detail could unravel its captivating suspense-filled story. I’ll just say that everything about it snaps crackles and pops with a twisted, subversive, mysterious tension that concludes with an out-of-this-world, satisfying perfection.

Still, I feel I may have said too much.

DEADPOOL and THE WITCH are close runners up.

ALT BEST ACTORS: Out of all the Best Acting categories — Male, Female, Supporting — the only movie I’ve seen by any of the nominees is HELL OR HIGH WATER in which Jeff Bridges is being nominated for Best Supporting Actor. The movie is only so so, or as we Japanese like to say, まあまあです; but I agree that Bridges’ countrified acting is deserving of his nomination.

If I had to choose a Female, Male, and Supporting Best Actor from the 2016 movies that I have seen, the Alt-awards would go to:

FEMALE: Amy Adams for her work in ARRIVAL. Full disclosure: “Arrival” is the only movie of 2016 that I watched where a female is the lead.

SUPPORTING: Margot Robbie for her work in SUICIDE SQUAD. Her performance rocked and was just about the only saving grace for an over-hyped and under-performed flop-of-a-flick. I look forward to a movie devoted solely to her character Harley Quinn.

MALE: John Goodman for his amazing work in 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE. Probably because of his type-casting looks and behavior Goodman is overlooked as a top-rate actor. But in my estimation he certainly is a top-tiered actor worthy of the art’s highest awards. He’s been a favorite of mine going all the way back to the beginning of his collaboration with The Coen Brothers.


SUPPORTING: Harvey Scrimshaw. This little dude has serious acting chops. His work in THE WITCH was phenomenal.

If I had to choose a best actor of the actors who have been nominated based upon my knowledge of their past work, I feel, mostly because of the sexist reasons Emma Watson recently discussed (Hey, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? Well, this old man admits he is often trippin’ on his habit of closed-minded thinking — blame my addiction/infliction on the close-minded debauchery of The Seventies/Eighties) and go well beyond movies into literature and many other aspects of our arts and culture, I feel I only have enough insight to discuss the Male category for Best Actor.

I’ve been saying for a while now (well, at least to myself and my Muses) that, outside of the genius of Tom Hardy (holy smokes, are you watching Taboo?!) for my money Casey Affleck*** just may be the best working actor in the business.

I like Denzel’s body of work, and his performance in TRAINING DAY probably would make it on the TOP TEN of my all-time favorite performances if I had such a list…


However, due to the close-minded reasons mentioned above as for why I cannot speak with clarity/authority about female actors, I mostly have an affinity towards the acting of pasty-looking WASPy dudes like myself and for the types of movies in which they perform in (which is, as we all know, most of the movies Hollywood produces), which is why I would naturally, or as natural as a sensory-dulling market over-saturation process can be, choose Afleck over Washington as this year’s Best Actor.

As testimony to Affleck’s talent, I offer a trailer from a flick which features some of his earlier mastery of his art:


ALT LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: Finally, it is with sadness that this year’s honors go to Bill Paxton.

Paxton will forever be remembered and glorified as one my generation’s — GEN X, yo! — favorite actors for his less-than-critically acclaimed yet totally awesome performance in the 1985 Cult Classic Extraordinaire WEIRD SCIENCE. I cannot begin to imagine how many times my friends and I watched this intellect-draining, yet oh-so-satisfying flick in our barracks room while stationed in Kami Seya, Japan, long, long ago back when men were made out of iron and ships were made out of wood.




★ ★ ★

*Get it? the Alt-Oscars? I’ve renamed this site THE ALT TO THE ALT which is why instead of the Oscars it’s… the… ah, heck… just forget it. It seemed much more clever when I was typing up this post in my head beforehand…

**Yeah, I don’t think it looks much like His Yeeziness either…

**Will Casey Affleck’s Past Come Back to Haunt Him on Oscar Night?


2 Replies to “The Alt-Oscars*”

  1. I was rooting for Hidden Figures because of my fem-sexist bias (also from 70s/80s). When I heard Best Film: LA LA LAND I clicked off the TV. Today I learned best film was MOONLIGHT. Perhaps if I wait another day…?



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