MY VIEW – A Women’s Issues Feature

When DotedOn submitted her essay My View to the Relating to Humans Women’s Issues feature, I could immediately feel its power and its truth, and the life lived as written, raw and exposed.

When submitted, DotedOn initially addressed it to me. I wrote to her soon after and asked if I could take out the address as I felt it may be distracting from the essay’s message. She wrote me back and, kindly, as she always is, said it was fine for me to make the edits and, since English is not her first language, she asked that I make any other edits that I felt may be necessary. I was pleased when she wrote this because there were, in fact, some grammar adjustments that I had wanted to make.

And, with haste, I made the adjustments.

However, after I read her essay with my edits, I found that something had happened. It seemed its power had somehow been diminished. I immediately restored the essay back to its original version, which, in turn, restored its power.

I spent the rest of the day reflecting on what had happened. The edits I made were almost insignificant, really; however, the impact of the edits was wholly significant. The impact was devastating to the overall feel and effect of the essay.

Perhaps, then, our words draw their strength not so much from our language and its form, but from our voice and our uniquely individual inflections and tones as only we can speak them…


My View

by DotedOn

I’m a single mom. I have five kids. I escaped an abusive relationship because I got to the point where nothing could be worse than staying one more second in that house. I exchanged comfort for unknown. I feel guilt every single day of my life. I know I took the right decision. I still don’t understand why my kids don’t see it and keep asking me why I don’t go back to daddy. They were there, they should know why.

Some people admire me… I still don’t get why. What’s to admire? That I left 5 kids without a dad? That I tolerate abuse for so long? That I’m alone and lost in another country miles away from every person dear to me?

I get questions like: How can you manage alone with 5 kids? I rub my eyes. I have everything. My question is: How could a widow 80 years ago manage 11 kids and no washing machine or fridge or disposable diapers or Nintendo’s to keep the kids quiet for a while.

Who should I please? Why I get judged? Why if I chose to be happy I feel this guilt all the time?

34 thoughts on “MY VIEW – A Women’s Issues Feature”

  1. There are a zillion reasons women stay in abusive relationships and another zillion why they leave. Only the woman in question knows her true reasons and the rest of us need to just get over our compulsion to judge others. There is a lot of work being done now to understand the dynamics of abuse and if we can parse that out a bit we may get to the point where we can actually help someone without judging them or leaving them feeling guilty.

  2. You are right that sometimes voice beats proper grammar. Reading her story, I get a mental picture of the strong determined woman she is. She is not looking for pity or sympathy. She just wants people to understand her decision and the consequences of it. Her words don’t need to be prettied up for her story to shine through. Thanks for sharing her story on your blog.

  3. Poignant, raw…her voice is strong. Simple no fancy shmancy just her truth. Thank you for sharing it with us. Guilt. BLECH!! Just the worst. And I get it. She’s an amazing mother. God bless her in this new journey into her self.

  4. A brave and beautiful woman. To leave is strength and the kids will realize in time…but to not feel guilty for,doing the right thing, I think women are inherently built with the guilt gene….it needs to be spliced out 🙂

  5. People admire you because it’s not an easy decision to leave. It’s not easy to be a single mom and be on your own. It takes bravery to follow your heart and follow your own convictions. I was a single mom, I left a relationship and it was the hardest thing I ever did. But now my child is grown up. She knows why I did it . She is so strong and wonderful and appreciate’s my choices. I was doing the right thing and lived as an example, as you will do. No one is perfect, don’t beat yourself up. You made the decision when you were ready to handle it. Love and light to you sister.

  6. You were spot on with your restoration of the edit to its original form. What a story. DotedOn is so correct in her thoughts about her circumstance. Her awareness is tangible in its application.


Say it like you mean it

Discover more from KURT BRINDLEY

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading