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MY VIEW – A Women’s Issues Feature

When DotedOn submitted her essay My View to the Relating to Humans Women’s Issues feature, I could immediately feel its power and its truth, and the life lived as written, raw and exposed.

When submitted, DotedOn initially addressed it to me. I wrote to her soon after and asked if I could take out the address as I felt it may be distracting from the essay’s message. She wrote me back and, kindly, as she always is, said it was fine for me to make the edits and, since English is not her first language, she asked that I make any other edits that I felt may be necessary. I was pleased when she wrote this because there were, in fact, some grammar adjustments that I had wanted to make.

And, with haste, I made the adjustments.

However, after I read her essay with my edits, I found that something had happened. It seemed its power had somehow been diminished. I immediately restored the essay back to its original version, which, in turn, restored its power.

I spent the rest of the day reflecting on what had happened. The edits I made were almost insignificant, really; however, the impact of the edits was wholly significant. The impact was devastating to the overall feel and effect of the essay.

Perhaps, then, our words draw their strength not so much from our language and its form, but from our voice and our uniquely individual inflections and tones as only we can speak them…


My View

by DotedOn

I’m a single mom. I have five kids. I escaped an abusive relationship because I got to the point where nothing could be worse than staying one more second in that house. I exchanged comfort for unknown. I feel guilt every single day of my life. I know I took the right decision. I still don’t understand why my kids don’t see it and keep asking me why I don’t go back to daddy. They were there, they should know why.

Some people admire me… I still don’t get why. What’s to admire? That I left 5 kids without a dad? That I tolerate abuse for so long? That I’m alone and lost in another country miles away from every person dear to me?

I get questions like: How can you manage alone with 5 kids? I rub my eyes. I have everything. My question is: How could a widow 80 years ago manage 11 kids and no washing machine or fridge or disposable diapers or Nintendo’s to keep the kids quiet for a while.

Who should I please? Why I get judged? Why if I chose to be happy I feel this guilt all the time?

34 thoughts on “MY VIEW – A Women’s Issues Feature

  1. So many men grow up with very little idea of what being a mother truly stands for!

  2. There are a zillion reasons women stay in abusive relationships and another zillion why they leave. Only the woman in question knows her true reasons and the rest of us need to just get over our compulsion to judge others. There is a lot of work being done now to understand the dynamics of abuse and if we can parse that out a bit we may get to the point where we can actually help someone without judging them or leaving them feeling guilty.

    1. Thank you for understanding, not judging and respecting 🙂
      Reading your comment felt like a shelter in the storm 🙂

  3. You are right that sometimes voice beats proper grammar. Reading her story, I get a mental picture of the strong determined woman she is. She is not looking for pity or sympathy. She just wants people to understand her decision and the consequences of it. Her words don’t need to be prettied up for her story to shine through. Thanks for sharing her story on your blog.

    1. 🙂 Sharon, you made me weep. Thanks for your nice words

      1. Your story is so compelling! I’d love to read more of your writing. Do you have any other writings you can share?

        1. Hi Sharon,
          Thank you!
          I write my blog daily and there is a mix of everything there. If you tell me exactly what you would like to read, I’ll search and tell you the name (number) of the posts.
          I mostly write funny stuff.
          Anyway, there are A LOT of pretty dark and sad posts where I tell my story as it was happening early this year.
          I’m glad you liked it and again thank you for your kinds words 🙂

          1. I found your blog and have subscribed to it. I’d like to spend some time reading through your posts to catch up with your story.

          2. 🙂
            For some reason WordPress decided to remove the search button on the top bar… That makes the search HARD.
            This is the post where I said BASTA 🙂 (enough in Italian and Spanish)


          3. This may post twice as it said my first response failed. I have subscribed to your blog and will spend time reading old posts to catch up with your story.

  4. Poignant, raw…her voice is strong. Simple no fancy shmancy just her truth. Thank you for sharing it with us. Guilt. BLECH!! Just the worst. And I get it. She’s an amazing mother. God bless her in this new journey into her self.

    1. Thank you Julia 🙂
      You have no idea how wonderful for me is to read your words.

      1. Is this your story Doted On?

        1. Yes 🙂
          Sad but true 🙂

          1. You’re very brave to share it…to have taken that huge step away from Cowshithead 😉. I can only imagine… Thank YOU

          2. Brave and guilty 🙂
            They should never go together!

          3. The guilt will pass never you worry. But the bravery shall not 😉

          4. 🙂 I so hope that’s true!!

          5. A dear friend once told me “Guilt lies on the floor if you don’t pick it up” wise woman

          6. I love it!! I’ll try to walk on it 🙂

      2. Never mind I just read About you ☺ I’m honoured you feel wonderful we all deserve this do we not? I’m pleased to support you in any way I can 💝

        1. I should see again what I wrote in that about post 🙂
          Thanks again!

  5. A really great and important post, thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks for reblogging Joan 🙂

  6. A brave and beautiful woman. To leave is strength and the kids will realize in time…but to not feel guilty for,doing the right thing, I think women are inherently built with the guilt gene….it needs to be spliced out 🙂

    1. Thanks my friend <3

  7. People admire you because it’s not an easy decision to leave. It’s not easy to be a single mom and be on your own. It takes bravery to follow your heart and follow your own convictions. I was a single mom, I left a relationship and it was the hardest thing I ever did. But now my child is grown up. She knows why I did it . She is so strong and wonderful and appreciate’s my choices. I was doing the right thing and lived as an example, as you will do. No one is perfect, don’t beat yourself up. You made the decision when you were ready to handle it. Love and light to you sister.

    1. THANK YOU!! 🙂
      I think we all need a bit of reassurance sometimes.

  8. Thank you Kurt for allowing my voice to be heard 🙂

    1. And what a strong, uniquely special voice it is. Thank you for have the courage and the kindness for sharing your important story with us, DotedOn.

  9. You were spot on with your restoration of the edit to its original form. What a story. DotedOn is so correct in her thoughts about her circumstance. Her awareness is tangible in its application.

Say it like you mean it