On why I choose to refer to those who help fund my film as “Donors”…

Admittedly, with these newfangled campaign funding sites such as Indiegogo and Kickstarter, where they have their "Backers" or "FUNders" or whatever else they call those who give money to a money-raising campaign, me referring to my supporters as "Donors" seems a bit anachronistic. However, there is a very important reason as to why I do. …

PTSD

These moving images were selected from the results of a search I did on the term "PTSD" through foter. Attributes and rights can be found in lower right corner of each image. Peace be to the sufferers and those who care for them.   Truthout.org / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA Truthout.org / Foter / CC …

Steroid Psychosis Blues

One of prednisone's most annoying side-effects are severe mood swings. When I woke up each morning, I always had to wonder who I would be that day. Would I be one who was effusively overcome with happiness and joy? Or, would I be one who was trapped in a deep, dark depression? Or, would I be a paranoid, hypersensitive mad--as in angry at any little slight--man?

No Sense, Whatsoever

Without even mentioning my slowly deteriorating and dying lungs, it’s bad enough that I have lost most of the feeling in my lower extremities due to the neuropathy that was brought on by all the chemo I got juiced up with to treat my leukemia, or that I lost most of my ability to smell or to taste to only our tight-lipped God know why (my doctors sure as hell don’t know), but, because of the reemergence of GVHD due to my decrease in prednisone dosage, do I really need to now start losing my ability to see, as well?

Exploiting the Crisis

Do you think I really would have been able to pursue my life-long love of writing as aggressively as I am doing now had I not become stricken with cancer and then a chronic, debilitating lung disease? I think not...

Ask the Question, I Dare You

And I don’t know about you, but for me, even sometimes at my old and calloused age, and no matter how times that old, dull saw “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” is drawn back and forth across my grainy, knot-holed brain, if I feel stupid about asking a question before I even ask it, then it is really hard for me to get up the gumption to get the stupid question out.

It’s FTW! Because We Love to Win! – part 2

I just had to say something raunchy and with impact right now because I want you to know right from the get go exactly what direction this post is headed. So, if you are not in the mood for a pissed off raunchy post (Another one?), you may just want to back click yourself slowly away from the site right now before you or anyone else gets hurt.

In Defense of the American Way of Life

I think and I write about all of this BS, this Way of Life BS and that way of life BS and all the goofy-looking uniform BS and all my pretentious and pedantic intent versus impact BS while I am being completely overwhelmed and embarrassed by the ridiculous politics and even more ridiculous politicians behind the current budget battle crisis that America is currently tearing itself apart over.

Dayglo Eyes and a Uniform Surprise

I had yellow florescent DayGlo-looking crap leaking out of my eyes all day long. I looked like some jaundiced mutant. In fact, couple my yellow jaundiced-looking eyes with my big ol' pumpkin head and I looked like I could have starred in one of Maurice Sendak's books.

Caffeine Therapy – Update #2

My recent appointment with my GVHD specialist was one of the most informative appointments I have had yet. Even though not all of the information was good, it all brought clarity to my treatment and came with a decisiveness of purpose. The good news is...

Denial

I know what I am experiencing is real, but it is just so hard to accept because the consequences are so big, so out of this world. The mind just cannot get itself all the way around it.

Caffeine Therapy

I was a late bloomer as a coffee drinker. Though I always loved its smell growing up---I still have vivid, fond memories of the bubbly coffee percolator sounds and the delicious coffee smells that I woke to every morning as a child---I found its taste repulsive and the heated spoiled crap breath that all coffee drinkers blast out even more so. I didn't want to be complicit in that.

I Want To Know

There has been much news lately about how the Transportation Security Authority’s new screening procedures are upsetting the traveling public and, to be honest, all of the whining is getting on my nerves. On the one hand, we demand our government guarantee us a safe, bomb-free air travel experience, yet we don’t want to utilize …

Hair

Warning: This is potentially a TMI post. Read at your own risk! Before my cancer and all the chemo, I saw myself similar to how Ricky Bobby saw himself in the movie Talladega Nights: I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know. That was me. I was confident, happy, had a wonderful family, …

Chemo

It seems to me that the word "chemotherapy" is one of those rare words that can instantly conjure up fear and images of pain and suffering, similar to words like "Holocaust" and "September Eleventh." Perhaps those comparisons are not exactly appropriate (and bordering on bad taste), but my point is, just hearing the word chemotherapy …

Test Results

Email from Kurt's doctor: The bone marrow biopsy report is not back. However, all the news thus far is excellent. His bone marrow flow cytometry shows no leukemia cells. The most sensitive test for detecting leukemia is the BCR-ABL PCR. This result came back as undetectable (meaning no leukemia). These are excellent results. Sincerely, [Kurt's …

One Night

dilantin-induced hallucinations busulfan and fludarabine-laced dreams black outs and cold sweats It’s 2:00 a.m. There is a blue glow to the room as I lie on my back trying to sleep. I’ve been trying to sleep for a long time. My toes burn and my back is hot. My skin itches. The black motion of …

My Donor and Me

So, in a little over a month I am scheduled to have my bone marrow transplanted. It sounds daunting but according to my nurse practitioner it will be rather anti-climactic. Apparently, I will receive the bone marrow harvested from my donor in the same manner I would receive a blood transfusion: hang the bags, hook …