My Chemo Brain Counter-Offensive

So… yeah. I’ve been having some chemo brain issues for quite a while now and I’m in search of interesting ways to build up my brain muscle to counter these “cognitive disorder” side-effects, as my neurologist so neatly calls them.

I’ve never been a board game – or any game for that matter – kind of guy, but I’ve read and I’ve heard anecdotal evidence that board games do help with one’s focus and clarity issues.

With this anecdotal evidence as my impetus, of course I went to Amazon, the event horizon of the internet, and searched around for what the best board game for my particular interests would be.

And I found this:

Cards Against Humanity
 
As you can see, it tags itself as “A party game for horrible people.” And while I don’t feel that I’m all that horrible, after reading a few of the many thousands of reviews, it does seem like a game that would appeal to my interests.

Does that make me so horrible?

That was rhetorical.

Anyway…

Which brings me to the point of this pointy post…

Research, with you being my source information.

Have you played the game? And if so, what do you think of it? Is it fun? Challenging? Stoopid? Do you feel you have a stronger brain because of your playing it?

And don’t worry, just because you played the game doesn’t mean I will judge you as a horrible person.

Necessarily…

I will, however, admire your courage for admitting it.


If you’re not familiar with the game, you can learn more about it here.

 
 

If You’re Here You Must Be Sick…

(OR CARE FOR SOMEONE WHO IS)

I’d like to think that one or two of my three regular visitors (one of whom is me) come to this site to gain a deeper understanding of my creative writing by exploring my short stories, and poetry, and my insightful and sometimes witty flash fiction, and, most importantly, to buy my books.

Yeah, that’s what I’d like to think.

However, the reality is far from it.

The unfortunate truth is that, by far, most people who visit this site do so because they are seeking out information about my diseases, past and present.

The most common search terms that lead these seekers, or anyone for that matter, to my site are:

gvhd lungs
bone marrow biopsy
hickman line
graft versus host disease lungs
bone marrow needle
(the article these terms lead to provide for some interesting pictures (viewer discretion advised))
prednisone and caffeine
prednisone and coffee

The most popular article on this site, which has nearly triple the amount of views of the second most popular article, is Lung GVHD By Any Other Name, where I discuss my frustration about finding out I have the incurable disease.

I say the truth is unfortunate not because I’m upset that people are not here to read my creative writings (although I confess my ego is a bit miffed), I say it is unfortunate because I know that if someone is here to learn about my experiences with leukemia and graft versus host disease, then he or she probably is in for some challenging times.

And that is unfortunate.

About a month after I was informed I had leukemia, I started blogging about it at a site I called Marrowish. And I blogged there regularly for two years. For two years I was consumed with wanting to know as much about my diseases (first leukemia and then GVHD…of the lungs…and eyes…and liver) as I could find, and I wanted to share this knowledge with as many people as possible.

But eventually I got sick of being sick…and of having my thoughts and actions being consumed by it.

So I stopped thinking about it (the best I could) and writing about it.

That was over a year-and-a-half ago…

But, seeing how “popular” all my sick-related articles are, perhaps it’s time I began providing updates on my health again from time to time.

I’m still certainly sick of being sick, but the good news is I haven’t really gotten much sicker since my last update (which was more like a major whine-fest than a health update).

In fact, I’ve been pretty stable and have even improved in some regards. This stability and improvement may be because I have been doing some pretty cool health-related things lately (I say “may” because during the past four years of my involvement with the medical community, one thing I’ve learned is that there are not many certitudes when it comes to healthcare).

I’ll try to expand on these in later articles, but here is what I have been up to health-wise the past year-and-a-half:

– April 2011, I began a five-year Bronchiolitis Obliterans Syndrome (BOS) study at the National Institute of Health. This study’s goal is to get FDA approval to use Montelukast (commercially known as Singulair and typically prescribed for asthma) as an authorized treatment for BOS. Since I began taking the drug I have been able to stop taking the steroid called prednisone—which is a major victory—and my lung condition has remained stable, as proven by regular pulmonary function testing.

– January 2012, I began twice weekly Extracorporeal Photopheresis (ECP) treatments at Johns Hopkins Dermatology Center. While there is no conclusive evidence as of yet, it is thought that this blood treatment may be effective in bringing calm to all those crazy outta control T-cells (affectionately called GVHD) that we post-transplant patients tend to get. I cannot say for sure that these treatments have helped; but I can most definitely say that they haven’t hurt — except for the fact that they take a big painful bite of time out of my life. Each treatment is about three-hours long; add to that the drive time coming and going plus the system prep time and it comes close to being a five-hour-per-treatment bite of time. Ouch. But, if you’re looking for options to treat your GVHD, you surely want to consider ECP as one of them.

– May 2012, I was fitted for Prose lenses at Johns Hopkins Wilmer Eye Institute. These scleral-type lenses used to be referred to as Boston Lenses, since Boston is where they were invented and was the only place where one could get them. Fortunately, Johns Hopkins now also provides the service. These vision-saving lenses have drastically changed and improved my quality of life.

– August 2012, I had cataract surgery in both eyes. Yeah, prednisone may have saved my life, but it definitely took a toll on my body. However, after I had the surgery and once my Prose lenses were readjusted for my new vision, my eyes are now bionic.

Those are the major things that I’ve been involved with that I feel could benefit others who are dealing with similar challenges as me. Of course, there are other things I have done and continue to do (like my countertop calisthenics, for instance) that may be of use, too, and of which I will write about at a later date.

Who knows, maybe someday I might even coral all this health stuff into an easy-to-read ebook, or something…

We’ll see.

Until then please remember that whatever it is you’re seeking, or regardless your reason for visiting, I hope you find at least a little bit of solace from the words that have accumulated here over the years.

Thanks for stopping by.

~~~~

PS… Please take the time to read my Disclaimer for this site.

Hair

Warning: This is potentially a TMI post. Read at your own risk!

Kurt with hair
Kurt with hair
Before my cancer and all the chemo, I saw myself similar to how Ricky Bobby saw himself in the movie Talladega Nights: I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know. That was me. I was confident, happy, had a wonderful family, a great job, felt strong and in okay shape, and I had a thick mane of hair on my head and a decent coat of fur all over my body. I was no back shaver, mind you (not that there is anything wrong with those of my friends who feel the need to shave the back…you gotta do what you gotta do) but I definitely had some hair to be proud of. But all of that, especially the confidence, the being in shape, and the hair, changed after the chemo.

Now I know some of you are wondering—I know I was before I started getting the chemo, so I asked my nurse—does one lose ALL their hair from the chemo treatments? The answer I got was that it depends. It depends on the person, the type of chemo, and the amount of chemo received. I would just have to wait and see.

It turned out that during the first phase, things moved slowly hair loss-wise. It took several weeks before any hair on my head started falling out and a couple more weeks before my beard began thinning out. I never noticed the loss of any body hair. I will say, it was very unsettling when the hair on my head began falling out in earnest and I would wake up in the morning to see big piles of it all over my pillow and bed. Once that started happening, I went directly to the barber and had my head shaved.

Shaved head
Shaved head
It’s not as easy as you think to get your head shaved. When I went, my regular barber was crowded so, not wanting to have to sit around and explain to the regulars about my cancer, I went to another barber that I had only been to once before. It was empty so I went in. The barber was a female and after I sat down and explained that I wanted my head shaved, she almost seemed offended, but in a cheesy, middle-aged flirty kind of way. She gave me the third degree and wanted to know why I wanted my head shaved. Still in no mood to discuss my cancer, I just said something rather curt about me being sick of having such thick hair to mess with. She reluctantly began shaving it off, but as she did, she went on the whole time about how a guy should never shave off such a nice head of hair. (I have another story about my hair and my youngest son’s ill-fated attempt at trying to shave if off…but that’s for another time.)

I had a couple of weeks off between phase one and phase two treatments. During the time off, the hair on my head and face started growing back in rather quickly. But again, after a few weeks of the phase two chemo treatments, both head and facial hair began thinning out. Again, I did not notice the loss of any body hair. This time, because the hair on my head was so short, I was able to shave it off myself.

Before the transplant
Before the transplant
During the first two phases, while I did lose a lot of hair, I never lost all of it on either my head or face. But all that changed after I received the large doses of chemo in preparation for my bone marrow transplant. About two weeks after the treatment, hair everywhere began falling out. And by everywhere, I mean everywhere. After about a month, the only hair I had left on my body was my eyebrows and my eyelashes. My body was smooth as a newborn baby. I won’t go too much into details, but I will say, things feel a lot different without hair in the places where you’ve been used to having it. I was left feeling very incomplete and somewhat insecure. I didn’t like it at all.

But now, finally, it’s all coming back and I’m beginning to feel much more like my old self. And by old, I mean much older. As you can see, even though I looked older than my age before, this whole cancer ordeal has aged me even more. And even though I’ll still be completely gray on top, I’ll be glad to have it back and I promise not to complain when it once again gets too long and too thick and too hot on my head. And I won’t, in frustration, ask my son to shave it off (again, we’ll leave that story for another day).

Coming back!
Coming back!

Chemo

Chemotherapy Nurse
Kurt's nurse suited up and prepared to administer his chemotherapy

It seems to me that the word “chemotherapy” is one of those rare words that can instantly conjure up fear and images of pain and suffering, similar to words like “Holocaust” and “September Eleventh.” Perhaps those comparisons are not exactly appropriate (and bordering on bad taste), but my point is, just hearing the word chemotherapy tends to scares us.

And for good reason, too. Chances are, we know someone close to us, maybe a loved one or a friend, who got cancer and who had to receive rounds of chemotherapy. And from them, we heard firsthand how tough it was on the body. We heard about the nausea and vomiting, we heard about how it attacks the intestinal tracks and causes mucositis, we heard about their inability to eat and the loss of weight, we heard about the lightheadedness and dizzy spells, and we heard about the hair loss.

But chances also are, even though we know the word and are familiar with all of the effects associated with it, we really don’t know what it is. Now, I’m not about to try to cover the many different forms of chemotherapy treatments that are available, you can do a quick search and find out all about them if you’re really interested, but I do think it’s interesting that one word can have such an impact on our collective psyche without us really knowing much about it.

One thing I can tell you about chemotherapy, the stuff is toxic. Take a look at the picture of my nurse at the top of this post. She has to take special precautions to ensure that she doesn’t come in contact with the chemotherapy. She has to wear a mask, a disposable suit that wraps around and completely covers her clothing, and special gloves that go over the standard gloves she wears. What you don’t see in the picture is that the nurses also have a special hat that has a clear guard to protect their neck and face. It looks similar to what a spot welder would wear. And then, after she is completely protected, she pumps that toxic junk right into me.

From my experience, it seems that whenever chemotherapy is discussed, we tend to focus on all the negativity associated with it–just like I’ve been doing in this post–and barely focus at all on its most important quality: CHEMOTHERAPY SAVES LIVES! It saved my life. And, like a miracle, it’s saving countless of other lives every single day. We all should give thanks to God for it.

After the Transplant

Thinking back, the amount and potency of the chemotherapy that I received during phase one and phase two of my treatment were a pittance compared to what I received for my bone marrow transplant. During the first two phases I thought to myself, ha, this chemo stuff ain’t living up to all the hype. Sure, I lost my hair but it started growing back not too long after the end of each phase. And I never got so sick to where I had to become intimate with the toilet. Not so during the two weeks of chemo treatment before and after the transplant. The doctors really laid it on me with a vengeance then. I got pretty darn sick, especially in the mornings. It’s almost three months later and I would even say that I may still be suffering somewhat from the effects of the chemo I received prior to and after the transplant. And it doesn’t help any that I’m still getting a small dose of it shot into my spine every two weeks.

While I don’t get sick to where I have to pay homage to the toilet anymore, I do get some bad heartburn for a couple of days after the spinal taps. I also still get light-headed when I stand up and, because of my low energy levels, I can only contribute minimally to chores around the house. My counts are steadily rising to normal but they are all not there yet. My platelets are still low which makes it very easy for my skin to cut and bruise and very hard for the injuries to heal. I’m still anemic. It seems that I have a symptom of Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD) in my mouth: it is almost completely dry all the time, which makes it hard to eat and sleep, and there are tiny bumps all over my cheeks and gums, which feel gross. I have poor circulation and swelling in my legs, especially my left leg. This is probably because the blood clots that I had at the beginning of all this were in my left calf and have left the veins and arteries a little worse for wear. The toes on my left foot are numb. My vision frequently blurs. And, I’m still mostly hairless which is really starting to annoy me; although some peach fuzz is starting to sprout about the chin.

Considering how bad I felt immediately after the transplant, all that I described above is almost irrelevant. I actually feel pretty darn good and I am very thankful for how well I am progressing and all of the support I am receiving. My days are always light and relaxing. I mostly divide my time between reading (my reading list is found at the bottom of this blog), cruising the Internet, taking naps, sitting by the pool, and watching the boob tube. I try to take long walks every other day or so. Fortunately I live out in the country so when I walk I get to experience the beauty of nature. I get to see wildflowers and woods and ponds and creeks and cows and horses and sheep and goats and all kinds of birds (if I’m lucky I’ll get to see majestic cranes either walking the creeks or flying above the tree line) and friendly folks along the way. My dog Shikibu, the best and cutest dog in the world, often joins me on my walks and she always makes them even more interesting and enjoyable. But probably the best part of my day is when, after the sun begins to set and the temperature cools down, my wife and I hop in the hot tub and spend quality time soaking, reflecting on our good fortune, and planning for our long future together.

Feeling Pretty Darn Good!

It seems the better I feel the harder it is to keep folks updated on how I’m doing. Now that I am feeling better I have more options to do other things other than to sit and think about how bad I feel. Now, mostly I sit around and read and write and take walks with the wife and eat all of the delicious, healthy, cancer destroying foods that she prepares for me. So that’s why I haven’t been blogging or tweeting as much. Besides, it’s redundant for me to keep posting: feeling good again today day after day. But since I’ve stopped getting the regular doses of chemo and I’ve been taken off of most of my meds, that’s exactly how I feel. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time, even since before my diagnosis.

Yesterday I met with my longitudinal doctor, that is, the doctor who has been my consultant and adviser since I was first diagnosed and who will be with me until the end. I have been seen by a boatload of other doctors for a boatload of different reasons, but it is my longitudinal doctor who I depend on most. I met with him and his boss. The purpose of this visit was merely a formality to give me one last checkup and their final diagnosis and authorization for me to proceed with my transplant. Everything is good. My counts are perfect and based upon all the tests I’ve had…spinal taps and bone marrow biopsies…the amount of cancer in my body is less than 0.04% or something like that. Pretty good, indeed.

I have only one more consult with a doctor between now and when I get admitted back into the hospital on 3/23/10. The consult is for the heart and as far as I’m concerned its just a waste of time…an evil plot to make sure I don’t stay away from the hospital too long.

Like I said, on the 23rd, a week before my transplant, I get re-admitted to the hospital so I can begin getting juiced up with some new kind of chemo. This kind will completely kill my bone marrow in preparation for the transplant. I’m definitely not looking forward to the chemo crud again, but it will mean I am one step closer to getting to the transplant and beyond. Again…pretty good, indeed.

So, as far as my blogging and tweeting go, no news is good news. I reckon once I get juiced up again I’ll be back to complaining on a regular basis as to how bad I feel. Misery loves company.

Bloodwish

There has been much focus on finding a bone marrow donor match for me. It makes sense because the sole reason I am going through all of the nausea and discomfort of the chemotherapy treatment is to destroy my diseased and dysfunctional bone marrow and replace it with someone’s healthy bone marrow. I named my blog Marrowish because of this need–a wish for marrow–and to remind myself to live a marrowish life–living a full life, right down to the marrow.

It amazes me how, because of my need, so many of my friends and acquaintances have volunteered to donate their bone marrow, knowing that the odds are way against their marrow being a match for me. Some have even wanted to set up a bone marrow drive in my name. Amazing.

I registered for the national bone marrow registry a long time ago. In fact, I had forgotten about it until my leukemia diagnosis. I do not remember why I did it. As far as I know I have never known anyone with leukemia. In fact, I was not really too sure what leukemia really was when I was diagnosed with it. And still, after all these years on the list I was never called. I suspect most people on the registry never are. That being said, I still encourage as many people as possible to register. Not for me, but for those who do not yet know that they will become inflicted with the disease…especially the children.

But there is also another, more immediate need where your help will be put directly to good use: donating blood.

During my first phase of treatment the chemotherapy drove down not only my white blood cell count, it also drove down my red blood cell and my platelet counts. As a result, I regularly had to receive both red blood cell and platelet transfusions. I suspect the same will be true during the subsequent phases. Each time I had a transfusion, as I watched the nurse hang the bags of blood or platelets and hook their lines up to my catheter, I felt a little guilty and wished that I had donated more blood. I am pretty sure that I will never have an opportunity to donate blood again.

So, if you are looking to have an immediate impact on someone’s life, perhaps an injured service member, or an unfortunate commuter, or even a scared, young leukemia patient, please donate blood and donate it regularly. Many of you certainly already do. Thank you. For those who have not, please do. I guarantee that, even if you hate needles and get queasy from the thought of it, you will still feel good about it after you are done. It is a noble cause. In fact, I would not be able to survive without someone with O+ blood taking the time out of their busy schedule to donate their blood to me. There are many, many others who are in just as much need, if not more. And I pray it never happens, but you never ever know–some day you may be the one in need.

If you’ve ever donated blood before, or if you donate blood any time after reading this post, please leave me a comment to let me know so we both can feel good about it together.

My Hickman Line

Johns Hopkins Instructions for taking care of a Hickman Line and a Heparin I.V. flush syringe.
I have an Hickman line inserted in my juggler vein to administer my chemotherapy as well as to draw blood for my many, many blood tests. It sounds rather creepy but it is better than getting an I.V. or vein sticks over and over again. Either a nurse at the hospital or my nurse at home (my wife) flushes the lines daily with Heparin I.V. flush syringes.

Because the line is sewn directly into a vein, risk of infection is always a concern. Consequently, the catheter is always covered by a Tegaderm dressing. The dressing provides for a snug fit over the site and enables you to see through the dressing to check the site for infection. It is changed weekly and the procedure is quite a mini production. Masks and gloves are worn and there is even another set of sanitized gloves that must be put on after the old dressing is removed. My wife has been trained to change the dressing and we have kits at home with all the items needed. To take a shower I have to cover the dressing with yet another dressing, called an AquaGuard. The AquaGuard is supposed to prevent the site from getting wet. Don’t tell my nurses but the site still usually gets wet.

My Hickman Line covered by white Tegaderm Dressing and clear AquaGuard dressing.

If you have not figured it out by now, we cancer patients are very needy and, unfortunately, require much care and attention. Often, it seems that I have it pretty easy compared to all of the work that others, especially my wife, have to do on my behalf.

The following is an explanation of Hickman Lines from Wikipedia:

“A Hickman line is an intravenous catheter most often used for the administration of chemotherapy or other medications, as well as for the withdrawal of blood for analysis. Some types of Hickman lines are used mainly for the purpose of apheresis or dialysis. Hickman lines may remain in place for extended periods and are used when long-term intravenous access is needed.

The insertion of a Hickman line is usually done under sedation or a general anesthetic by a radiologist or surgeon. It involves two incisions, one at the jugular vein or another nearby vein or groove, and one on the chest wall. At the former incision site (known as the “entrance” site), a tunnel is created from there through to the latter incision site (known as the “exit” site), and the catheter is pushed through this tunnel until it “exits” the latter incision site.” [Read more]

My Doctor’s Explanation

Question: “Why was my diagnosis changed to Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) in Bilineal Blast Crisis?”

Doctor’s response: Let’s focus on the bilineage part first. White blood cells can be of myeloid or lymphoid origin. When [Kurt] came to the hospital he had a high white blood cell count with mostly lymphoid cells. The high white count favored an acute leukemia. The first and most likely diagnosis is acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). We then performed a bone marrow biopsy and flow cytometry that showed that 77% of his bone marrow cells were of lymphoid origin and that 1-2% that appeared to be of myeloid origin. This meant there were two lineages – lymphoid and myeloid, although the myeloid population was very tiny. In these cases, we design a therapy that targets both lineages. For lymphoid leukemias we treat with a lymphoid induction chemotherapy regimen, which in your husband’s case was E2993. For myeloid leukemias, we can treat with myeloid induction chemotherapy or for patients that are Philadelphia chromosome positive, we can treat with a tyrosine kinase inhibitor such as Imatinib (also known as Gleevac) or Desatinib (also known as Sprycel). Because [Kurt] was Philadelphia chromosome positive, the chemotherapy plan we designed for [him] was E2993 induction with Desatinib. I want to emphasize that if [Kurt] had simply Philadelphia chromosome positive ALL (in other words no myeloid cells) we would still use the exact same regimen of E2993 induction with Desatinib.

Now let me explain in more detail the diagnosis of chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML) in blast crisis. The pathologists emphasized to us that this was a challenging case. When the pathologists first gave us their analysis of the bone marrow, they also saw basophils and increased myeloid growth which suggested CML in blast crisis. CML is at first a slow growing disease but goes through 3 phases: chronic (slow), accelerated (medium), and blast phase (fast). Some people with CML to get from chronic phase to blast phase; others and we suspect, for [Kurt], this shift from slow to fast occurred over months at most. In blast phase (the fast growing phase), CML can make either or both myeloid or lymphoid blasts which is consistent with what we saw for [Kurt]. The definitive tests to prove CML are molecular tests and cytogenetic test in which we analyze [his] chromosomes. These tests confirmed the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome and also that the size of the BCR-Abl product was the p210 product. You can read more about this, but this p210 product is found in CML not ALL.

I want to emphasize, however, that we were thinking about both diagnoses from the start of [Kurt’s] care and that for both diagnoses, our treatment plan was exactly the same. Even though the p210 test was pending when we started treatment, we were confident that the chemotherapy plan we outlined would be the best treatment for both diagnoses. Our goal is to cure [Kurt], and the current plan of E2993/desatinib and transplantation is the best strategy for defeating his leukemia.

My Doctor's Explanation

Question: “Why was my diagnosis changed to Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) in Bilineal Blast Crisis?”

Doctor’s response: Let’s focus on the bilineage part first. White blood cells can be of myeloid or lymphoid origin. When [Kurt] came to the hospital he had a high white blood cell count with mostly lymphoid cells. The high white count favored an acute leukemia. The first and most likely diagnosis is acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). We then performed a bone marrow biopsy and flow cytometry that showed that 77% of his bone marrow cells were of lymphoid origin and that 1-2% that appeared to be of myeloid origin. This meant there were two lineages – lymphoid and myeloid, although the myeloid population was very tiny. In these cases, we design a therapy that targets both lineages. For lymphoid leukemias we treat with a lymphoid induction chemotherapy regimen, which in your husband’s case was E2993. For myeloid leukemias, we can treat with myeloid induction chemotherapy or for patients that are Philadelphia chromosome positive, we can treat with a tyrosine kinase inhibitor such as Imatinib (also known as Gleevac) or Desatinib (also known as Sprycel). Because [Kurt] was Philadelphia chromosome positive, the chemotherapy plan we designed for [him] was E2993 induction with Desatinib. I want to emphasize that if [Kurt] had simply Philadelphia chromosome positive ALL (in other words no myeloid cells) we would still use the exact same regimen of E2993 induction with Desatinib.

Now let me explain in more detail the diagnosis of chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML) in blast crisis. The pathologists emphasized to us that this was a challenging case. When the pathologists first gave us their analysis of the bone marrow, they also saw basophils and increased myeloid growth which suggested CML in blast crisis. CML is at first a slow growing disease but goes through 3 phases: chronic (slow), accelerated (medium), and blast phase (fast). Some people with CML to get from chronic phase to blast phase; others and we suspect, for [Kurt], this shift from slow to fast occurred over months at most. In blast phase (the fast growing phase), CML can make either or both myeloid or lymphoid blasts which is consistent with what we saw for [Kurt]. The definitive tests to prove CML are molecular tests and cytogenetic test in which we analyze [his] chromosomes. These tests confirmed the presence of the Philadelphia chromosome and also that the size of the BCR-Abl product was the p210 product. You can read more about this, but this p210 product is found in CML not ALL.

I want to emphasize, however, that we were thinking about both diagnoses from the start of [Kurt’s] care and that for both diagnoses, our treatment plan was exactly the same. Even though the p210 test was pending when we started treatment, we were confident that the chemotherapy plan we outlined would be the best treatment for both diagnoses. Our goal is to cure [Kurt], and the current plan of E2993/desatinib and transplantation is the best strategy for defeating his leukemia.